Catcalling

I'm not afraid to say that the only things I have ever had screamed at me were most certainly not compliments, they were threats against me because I dared to walk in public with a cane, because I dared to look different from established beauty standards (what a fucking disabled bitch I am right?). You can't tell me that's not catcalling because you can't tell me the guy who shouted graphic descriptions of my fat body and what he hated about it doesn't turn around and shout graphic descriptions of a skinny body to someone else, you can't tell me the guy who called me a heifer and tried to hit me with his car doesn't slow down and try to get another woman into his car and no I did not feel safe when someone circled the block and tried to hit me with his car because young people with canes are worth more points

Poem

As a woman, speaking your mind is passive-aggressive.

Putting your tumultuous, crazy-making feelings into little sound bites for the processing for the edification of others for the stress relief makes you open to attack.

Making a suggestion is making a political move.

Speaking means hushing the echoes of the horror of the faces of the people who just don't see why you can't be more like her...

Being a woman with a voice makes you an enemy of the women whose choice was not to have a voice.

When people tell you all your life that you're pretty, sometimes that's all you have.

When people tell you all your life that you're fat, sometimes that's all you have.

Shop Owner

I hope you knew
that the impromptu
story I told
words tumbling out of my mouth and tripping over each other
in their rush to escape
was meant to be a thank you.
Thank you, for the simple pleasures
your goods provide.
I couldn't say the words.
It would have been
too much like
admitting
the truth:

that my Demon,
whose anger paranoia fear drama ridiculousness and petty razor barbs
have driven me from every moment that has ever made me happy,
was why I was there.
That my drive has become making him
happy
as he dies slowly, the picture-perfect ending he always wanted;
as the disease eats him alive.
It would have been too much like admitting
that I am still me,
that I still love him
with that hopeless reckless childishness of a little girl
despite all he has done to
try
to break me.

It Isn't Always About You

You sit and you fume
and you fuel your hatred
of what life has given you.

You have not (in my hearing)
stopped to consider what
you have given.

How unfair it all was,
you so stridently protest.

The responsibilities dumped on you
at too young
while too confused.

But me? I was
locked in that house
with that ghost.

While you partied
with friends.

I was the annoying little sister,
the unwanted daughter,
the Broken Toy no one wants.

We are adults now.
So many years have passed
but to you I have remained as I was.

Which must be why, once in a while, you swoop in
to shit on my life like the pigeons you are.

Activist D re-strikes again

I didn't write this, but i think it's important to read.

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.
Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

Instead of that bullshit, how about:

If a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.

If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.

If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and It's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.

Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.

Don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
Don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, repost it. It's that important.

I wish life were as funny as I think it is

Tonight, I continued my bad habit of watching the news, even the boring feel-good crap. When they got to the weather, I was only paying half attention until the weatherman said, "[Tomorrow morning] if you have outdoor activities, yes, you'll need a jacket, but probably not the reindeer."
I got my first real giggle from tv in about ten years...until he repeated his phrase a moment later, and I realized he'd said "rain gear", not "reindeer".
Sigh.

In other news, our house is completely unliveable. It needs $20k worth of work before we can be approved for a mortgage, and since the little monkeys desperately need a yard (cue screeching and grabbing the door handle and/or gate latch) we've started looking for cheap detached/single houses with 2+ bedrooms in pretty much anywhere in the philadelphia-montgomery county-bucks county-lehigh county area and IT SUCKS. I wish I could find a permanent place to live that didn't make me absolutely miserable within 4 months.

Also, what's with all the Chinese products being recalled? I saw Wal-Mart recalled Chinese dog biscuits recently. Is this a recent upswing in crappy Chinese products (unlikely), or is everyone just paying more attention in order to put pressure on the Chinese yuan (likely)? With Congress trying to remedy the trade deficit by force, who better to encourage the American public to buy from someone else than the people lining Congress' pockets? Hint: I'm talking about corporations. Come on, you really believe that the Chinese are suddenly making their products even more unsafe?

Speaking of advertising, have you seen God in the new Verizon commercials? What a strange advertising concept. Here's a quick synopsis of my least favorite ads today (in no particular order):

1. "Three new fits" of jeans that look painted on for anorexic teenage girls who believe sex is the answer to all their problems. (Old Navy)
2. Mr. Bean. Please stop him before someone gets hurt.
3. "Mr. Opportunity" from Honda. This is the cartoon man who claims he's knocking for you...and if you notice, his name can also be fudged as "Missed your opportunity." Hurry! SPEND MORE MONEY BEFORE THE WORLD ENDS!
4. Seen on a billboard: Sprite's new ad campaign appears to be derived from the earlier goofy "obey your thirst" slogan. There's only one problem with is. It's severe and dark, and features two words: "Sublymonal" (subliminal) and "Obey." What? Who thought that would sell soda? It just makes me depressed.
5. Seen in Dan Brown's Angels and Demons: Product placement for Nestlé Quik. Bah! Product placement is for Pepsi and Friends.
6. Movie ad: "Balls of Fury." Who needs another stupid fucking faux-sport movie?
7. Anything to do with Elmo. I love Elmo as much as the next person, but now that I'm a mother, I despise watching my innocent children being encouraged to become capitalists and consumers. I admit my complicity in their downfall (being dramatic), but when your screaming twin toddlers demand Elmo, you give them Elmo. Trust me.
8. Víva Viagra! Only the cool old men get to have SEX (not sexual activity!).
9. This one doesn't quite qualify as an ad, but it's close enough for government work. I have a particular hatred for it, too. As I was walking to buy diapers in CVS, I walked straight into a huge display of discount children's tapes. Heavy on the Elmo, of course. It was conveniently placed in the middle of the aisle, between two high shelves that my fat ass couldn't squeeze through. Stupid pharmacy managers.
10. Skittles commercial with a fat old man being milked. He's blamed for the sour milk because he eats too many Sour Skittles. Not only do I hate sour candy, but...eewwwwwwwww!

And your bonus commercial is one that actually interests me:
The mysterious movie preview for something called "September Dawn." What is this great untold story? Is it really untold, or just untold to people who can't read? More to come.


<3

Thank you, wherever you are

A random list of t.y. notes to those of you who changed my life, but I probably will never see again.

D.C.: for Blues Traveler and "Just Wait"
M.A.Z.C.T.: for teaching me about puberty and self-respect
J.B.: for reminding me that even I deserve to have someone be nice to me, and that I don't have to look like a stripper to be sexy
G.A.R.: for proving that someday I'd understand
B.LaF.: for xmas cards
L.D.: for your crazy crazy love
E.A.G.: for weathering the storm with me (I hope you're safe and happy, I love you always)
R.T.: for being the best imaginary brother ever, and even when you couldn't stop my abuser, you recognized and empathized and gave me strength
R.: for apologizing
G. aka K.: for late-night phone calls and psychotic commiserations
T.J. in N.J.: for holding my hand during the most difficult night of my life
M.G.B.A.: for music, laughter, beer, tabs, teaching me how to protect myself, independence, and most importantly, those quirky little sayings that make all my friends laugh...and think

<3 dems